Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
