No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
