So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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