Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(573): View more from Missouri

shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.

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(727): View more from Florida

Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"

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(516): View more from New York

She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.

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(714): View more from California

I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here

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(301): View more from Maryland

...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food

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