Jerry, you need to find god
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Randomize
