Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
