Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
