I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
