Reggie can tackle my bush.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
