that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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