You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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