I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
