I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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