Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
