Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize