just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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