I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
