My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
