guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
third nipple confirmed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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