This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
