Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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