I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
