I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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