I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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