I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
