i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
