i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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