white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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