I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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