Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize