why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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