the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
