I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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