I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I could make wine with my vomit
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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