i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
