i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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