I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
