Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
