More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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