pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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