I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
