Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
