Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
