Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
