well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
