Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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