my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
