every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
