Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize