you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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