he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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