so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
