I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Terrible idea I love it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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