Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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