I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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