The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize