bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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