I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
