no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
