guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
