I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
