You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
