I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
