Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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