i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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