just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
