I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
