There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
