Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
