Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
