Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
