if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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