I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
