I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
