can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
